Blah-GOYah-vich

Copyright Scott Stantis

In a seventy-six page complaint, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and his chief of staff were charged yesterday with engaging in a pattern of corruption. Every line of this story sounds like another punchline: the day before he was charged, "Blago" taunted law enforcement, daring them to indict him. Ironically, he was elected twice on promises to reform the "culture of corruption" that plagued his predecessor.

Word is, the prosecutor is one of those meticulous, thorough types who would never have proceeded with charges if he wasn't 99.9% sure he had slam-dunk. Word is, Blaggy's only hope for avoiding some serious prison time is to step down immediately, and plead insanity. There is no denying the mountain of evidence, mostly in Blaggy's own words.

I can't blame the Chicago Tribune for a little schadenfreude: the Blagster tried to make the Trib fire editorial writers who criticized him, in exchange for helping the Tribune's parent company finance the purchase of Wrigley Field. One of the Trib's columnists is already holding a “name that scandal” contest. (My favorite so far: Stupidpalooza.) Clearly, his ego is so massive, there just isn't any room for brains. Concerned that he wouldn't be able to sell Obama's Senate seat for a high enough price, he held out the possibility of gobbling it up for himself:

Then, on Nov. 5, he allegedly said, "I've got this thing, and it's [expletive] golden and, uh, I'm just not going to give it up for [expletive] nothing. I'm not gonna do it. And I can always use it, I can parachute me there."

Parachute me?

If a jury hears that tape, it's [expletive] over.

I figure Blagojevich most likely will start talking to the feds, blabbing about everyone he knows, in order to cut down his time, because what's on the federal tapes is devastating.

Once he starts, the feds will have to slap him to shut him up.

(excerpted from John Kass' column, "He's the Clown, but the Joke's on Us.")

I wonder how it feels knowing that the whole world is suddenly learning how to spell and pronounce your last name, so that you can become a punchline on late night television. I hope he gets a really cranky judge, and gets the maximum sentence allowable. A couple of decades in "time out" at the Big House, thinking about how his shameless greed brought him to ruin, would be appropriate. Or maybe it's time to bring back public humiliation. A month in the stocks at Daley Plaza, bring your own fruit?