Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Talk to The Face: Emmargudtars

I was already peeved. The pet store had stopped giving out samples because some folks took advantage, and were using the samples in place of dog food. I (she said self-righteously) only took one or two at a time, supposedly for Molly to try, but also to keep on hand when I run out of food and it wasn't errand day. So I was extra surprised when I left the store loaded for bear, and someone tried to start a conversation with me in the parking lot.

"Hadja lockum tars?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Hadja lockum tars?"

"I'm sorry... I don't understand."

"Em tars, tars." He pointed downward. "Dja lockum?"

I was trying to read his lips. Was this really English?

"Themmur'a same tars ahayed on m'lass core. Emmur gud tars."

Tars...Tires? ...TIRES! Goober was talking about my tires! How d'you like them tires? Them are the same tires I had on my last car. Them are good tires.

I had been to the doctor, so I was dressed like a human. And it was bath day. So I guess I looked presentable, but nowhere near fetching: not the same planet, not even a nearby universe. Was this just another instance of a stranger being drawn to The Face? Was this the worst pick up attempt in history, or was this guy really excited about the tars, I mean tires?

{And why, oh why, can't My Staties learn to conjugate the verb To Be? Match the pronoun and the verb. I am, you are, he is, they are. Not "them are." And certainly not "Emmur.")


Kathy from NJ said...

There are some places in the US where the words "to be" do not exist.

The windows needs warshed.
The laundry needs ironed.
The cows need milked.
My hair needs combed.

La Cootina said...

Ha! In the Carolinas, there is no present tense. I'm fixin' to wash the windows. She's fixin' to iron the laundry.