Monday, July 6, 2009

Big C Update

In the early 80s, there were two recurring characters on Saturday Night Live that were particularly memorable. Joe Piscopo and Robin Duke played Doug and Wendy Whiner, a couple who -- as you might guess -- whined about everything. (Well, in the early 80s it was funny, especially if you were stoned.) I haven't said much about The Big C lately because, even to myself, I'm starting to sound like Wendy Whiner:
My baaack hurts.
My nuuumbers suck.
My riiibs hurt.
My hiiips hurt.
My nuuumbers still suck.

I justify my crankiness by reciting to myself my litany of treatment over the last 18 months:

  • radiation
  • chemo
  • prep for stem cell harvest
  • port insertion
  • blood clot from port insertion (which felt like a rusty harpoon sticking out of my neck and was probably the worst of the whole stem cell experience!)
  • stem cell harvest
  • big, hairy mega-chemo followed by stem cell transplant
  • port explosion and replacement
  • spinal surgery
  • more chemo
  • and yet more chemo
But so what if some or all of the whining is justified? What's the point? Doesn't endear me to anyone. Doesn't make me feel any better. I skipped my support group meeting last month, afraid that if I opened my mouth, Wendy would speak. I'm feeling a little more confident today, especially after venting here, so I'm going to a meeting tonight. My feelings about the group's usefulness to me fluctuate wildly, but they are all wonderful, sincere people. Even if I did channel Wendy Whiner, they'd probably still be caring and supportive (at least the first time).

Following my post about what I believe was my last chemo, I received a note from a fellow MM patient who has been through a rough time recently. I was comforted to hear her say she knew what I was feeling, but she cautioned me not to give up yet, and I know I will at least hear what the doc has to say, and listen with an open mind.


John said...

Your writing about your fear of sounding like a whiner endears you to me.

La Cootina said...

Awww, thanks. Some of this may be related to coming off the steroids: wild mood swings and a hair trigger on my emotional (over-)reactions.

Susan said...

Hmmm. So steroids = menopause? If I get any more whinier, more moody and/or over-reactive, they can just ship the both of us off to an island and we can whine to each other.
"This coconut is too hairy"
"I'm sick of all this saaaaaand"
"Does this palm leaf make my butt look fat?"
And if they can't take a whine, puck 'em. Have a nice day :)

La Cootina said...

"I thought yoooou brought the sun blooooock."

You know what, Sooz? If I couldn't be stranded with George Clooney... you'd probably be my next choice! We could literally die laughing.