Friday, August 21, 2009

The Big Limb-owski

I was laying (lying?) on the sofa Wed. afternoon, in a pain-killer stupor after my big State Fair outing. I was drifting in and out of naps when I suddenly awoke to a major thunderstorm. It took me 15-20 seconds to come awake enough to realize...poor Molly was outside! I scrambled up and ran to the door to let her in. I really don't think the storm had been going on for long - maybe a minute or two - but Molly was completely drenched.

She scampered inside and proceeded to spend the next half hour playing, "I'm a Crazy Wet Dog!" You dog owners know what I'm talking about: alternately rolling on her back on any absorbent surface, punctuated by zooming around the room like a pinball. The storm lasted about a half hour and when it was all over, a very large limb from my Norway maple had set itself free. This poor tree has been trying to die for a decade, and I just keep lopping out the dead parts. It's now a very strange shape, and the four (now three) surviving limbs are all quite top-heavy.

It's about 16' long and as big around at the crown. I spent much of Thursday calling around to get someone to come chop it up and dispose of it. I was very lucky that it missed the fence and the house; it just glanced off the gutter and did very little damage. Unfortunately, all the tree guys are madly busy; there are whole trees down all over town. But with a little pleading, I think I actually have two tree guys who will come and price the job.

Last night was a sleeping pill night; after about 1am, I was dead to the world. Today, to my surprise, the big limb had been turned 180ยบ and in the process, bent my bird feeder pole and smushed two planters. This was not an act of nature. But who would do it - and why? Perhaps a well-intended neighbor was assessing the job? A couple of phone calls dismissed that remote possiblity. Besides, they would have knocked on my door, and they wouldn't have done it in the middle of the night.

So, I believe, the obvious answer is the Bim's beaus. I saw and heard them heading for the bars around 12:30 am. Maybe they thought it was a hilarious prank. I guess I should count myself lucky that they were too drunk / stupid / lazy to make more of an effort, and that they didn't do any real, permanent damage. But I'm out for blood now. No more Miss Nice Cranky. I've tried catching flies with honey, now it's time to pull out their wings.

What, me, crazy?
Scraping eggs, omelets, entire souffles off my face. DUH. Thanks for trying, Josh. (When in the HECK did you move it?? And why didn't you call/knock?) And yes, I do have awesome neighbors. I just hope they appreciate having an olympic conclusion jumper nearby...


Old Bobs said...

I came by this morning about 9:30AM...I did not want to disturb you so I thought it would be an easy task to get the thing out of your yard and drag it to a better location to cut it up.I realized it was much bigger than I had first assessed.I did not realize I had knocked over two planters, the pole I did not think I bent but it simply tilted in the soft soil...I will gladly reimburse you for whatever damage.
I have located a chain saw,now I just need to get my hands on it.It was my best intentions to do the job without hassling you, mission not accomplished. My bad JW

Kathy from NJ said...

You lie down on the couch, you were lying on the couch (reclIne=lIe).

You lay the afghan on the couch, the afghan was laid on the couch (plAce=lAy).

The above is thanks to Mrs. Clifton, my 7th grade teacher approx almost 50 years ago. Also, you get deSSert at the Sweet Shop, the princiPAL is your PAL, a principlE is a tEnEt.

Michelle said...

Weds was a crazy, dark and stormy night. So glad that you were able to sleep, even if you awoke to giant mystery the next day! (and it wouldn't have taken long for Molly to be drenched or even possibly replaced by a dog that rained out of the sky that afternoon/evening)

La Cootina said...

My thanks to Mrs. Clifton as well, Kathy. And yes, Michelle, Wed. was a real gullywasher, as we say in these parts. Hope it didn't dampen your festivities.

Joyce said...

It's official: I have rain-envy....I'd even put up with falling tree limbs, mushed planters and wet dogs.