Saturday, May 30, 2009

Good Morning, Starshine :)

I was having a sleepless night. I admit it. I came into the living room at 5 am, having given up on pretending to sleep, pretending to try to sleep, pretending I might fall asleep, etc. I believe I mentioned that I live close to a commercial district that includes many bars. Too many bars. Occasionally, drunks stumbling home feel compelled to make noise, but it's usually just an unrestrained whoop or profanity.

There was a time when I went to some of these same bars, and drank too much, and stayed too late. But I always had a mortal fear of being the pathetic female drunk who Makes a Spectacle, so I tended to go to the other extreme. The more inebriated I became, the more self-conscious and withdrawn, so no scene, no screeching, no waking the neighbors. Friends could all agree: I'm a lot more trouble sober than drunk. But I'm the exception. Drunks of both genders behave badly, but I expect more of girl people. Yeah, vestiges of sexism, I guess.

This morning, at 5 am, it was two drunk girl people, fighting with each other. Of course, since they were girls, and very, very drunk, the fight consisted of them screeching at each other, one at the level of oh, say, an air raid siren, the other sort of a conversational sonic boom. Unfortunately, they were on the far side of the canal, so running them over just required more energy and planning than I could muster. The fight had disintigrated to:
"You shut up!"
"No, You shut up!"
"YOU shut up, I MEAN it!"

So I couldn't resist yelling out my window, "Why don't you BOTH SHUT UP?" They were startled into silence for about 5 seconds, then presented a united front: "No, YOU SHUT UP!" Okay, I'd had enough. I called 911 and reported two screaming females at their location. Almost instantly, a cop car cruised by at about 10mph... and the rocket surgeons decided to call it a night. (Don't tell me to shut up, beeyotch!)

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