Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A Lot of Wine & A Little Goading = ...?

As questionable as my taste in men may have been over the years, that's how good my taste in friends is. Somehow I have managed to fill my life with truly outstanding individuals. Not just garden variety nice folk, but really exceptional friends.

Two years ago, one of those friends underwent surgery that was really going to debilitate her for several months. She's a fellow single; not many of us around at this age! Those of you with spouses and children probably don't realize what a terror it is for us old girls, not just to be ill, but also helpless and immobile. I felt a special obligation to be as helpful as I possibly could, because I could imagine myself in the same situation. For the better part of those 8-10 weeks, I made every effort to help her with anything she needed, and in word and deed, she expressed her gratitude. Our friendship deepened considerably.

Of course, I never imagined the roadblocks and detours that were waiting for me. Now, for the better part of a year, this same friend has returned the favors tenfold. On the rare occasions that I've asked for help (y'all have become so adept at anticipating my needs), she is always the first to volunteer, always with a smile, without a hint of impatience. She is one of the most big-hearted people I know, and I know a lot of kind people.

One evening a few weeks back, after a lot of wine and a little goading by her girlfriends, she was persuaded to join one of the dating websites. Then she gathered her courage and responded to someone who sounded interesting. And this delightful friend has met a terrific man who really seems to appreciate her. They're only a month or so into dating, but so far, no sirens or alarms. It couldn't happen to a nicer girl, and I'm so happy for her.

I hope, as this romance unfolds and they get to know each other better, that he really is as great as he seems, and worthy of her. But if he's not, if he hurts her, even inadvertently, I will hunt him down like a dog and make sure he experiences great pain, too.

And this all got me thinking about my possibilities, too. Although I haven't dated for a long time, I also haven't completely ruled out the chance that I could still meet mybeshert.” But, since my diagnosis, I have not met another single MM patient. Everyone in my support group is married; I think all of my internet MM pals are married, too. So... putting the cart miles ahead of the horse here... I wondered, how and when would I tell a potential beau about my MM? As soon as possible? As late as possible? And how exactly would that explanation be worded? Am I damaged goods? Should I just give up that flicker of hope? How would I feel if the roles were reversed?

So far, I only have questions.


Holly said...

I don't know what happened to my original comment, but I asked if your hospital has or knows of a patient match-making service. Not that I heard of it before, but it sounds like a good idea. That way bringing up medical issues/concerns might be a little easier.

But here's some stuff I found online: http://www.cisforcupid.com/

StephB said...

You just have to continue being your fun loving, wonderful self when you meet him and all these questions will work themselves out. Maybe Santa has your Mr. Right ready to deliver this holiday season -- and by the tone of this post, I think you'll be more than ready...then we can all live vicariously through you and all your excitement as a new romance unfolds :)

Roobeedoo said...

I suppose I am thinking "Well... it's not contagious so why would you tell someone until your relationship got serious?" I believe in seizing the day - so if you are up for a bit of spice in your life, go for it girl!