Wednesday, April 29, 2009

April Showers bring Indoor Projects

April Showers bring May Flowers. They also bring a boatload of allergens down to snoot-level, thank you very much:

The spring allergy season has sprung -- and wrought plenty of discomfort for the approximately 35 million Americans with seasonal allergies. Pollen may not be all that's making your eyes water and nose run, though. Surprising allergens lurk in unexpected places in your home and make you feel even worse. In fact, the list of sneeze-inducing culprits is long: animal dander, mold, dust, and dust mites (tiny insects that thrive on organic matter, primarily flakes of skin), as well as pollen carried into the house from outside. Full story here.
Yes, I'm allergic to pet dander, mold, dust, dust mites and pollen. April is already one of the wettest in history, so mold is at the top of the list. The article features ways to mitigate indoor allergens, all of which I already practice. On a semi-regular basis.

Anyways, the rain eliminates what should be Job One at the Villa: mowing the lawn. I probably could mow it myself, at least the back yard, if I could get someone to start the mower. That requires more torque than I can muster these days. I tried to get TJ to mow on Monday evening but she wasn't interested, and I didn't want to insist. She's been a very good sport about mowing for the last year. (I usually pay her, to help make the chore a little less loathsome.) If I'd known it was going to rain for another three days, and the lawn was going to grow another 4-5 inches, I probably would have pressed a little harder. Now I'm not even sure my old mower will go through that thicket; I may need several sheep, or perhaps a goat, or a yak.

So that brings me to Jobs Two and Three.

I hate my hair, I hate my hair, did I mention I hate my hair? It's still too short to cut and way, way too curly to style so I'm going to try color. WILD COLOR. Job Two is hitting a beauty supply shop to buy some temporary hair color. I will have a partner in this hijinx: my good friend KB offered to shave his head last year when I shaved mine, as an act of support and solidarity. It meant so much to me that he offered, but I just couldn't let him do it. He made the same offer a few days ago when I was kvetching about my "poo-fro" (since I resemble an aging poodle), and this time, I'm going to take him up on it! We will pick some wild and cah-razzzy colors -- the temporary vegetable dyes -- and I hope it will cover this horrible, iron gray color. I'm thinking of neon pink, in honor of Pink, a singer I like, but what if I end up looking like an old pink poodle? Maybe purple is the safer bet...

Finally, Job Three is a decrapification project that's been postponed for so long that it's become quite daunting. But Mom would say, "just pick one corner, and start there." Yes, I've thought about it for nearly 20 years, so I believe... it's time... to clean out the kitchen junk drawer! It is completely full, and becoming difficult to open and close. What the hell is in there? It's time to find out. Last year, I wheedled a HazMat suit from a plumber who did some work at the Villa, so if it looks really dangerous, I'm prepared, but I don't think it will get that bad. Still, it's a little dicey to tackle a project like that alone, so I'll keep my cell phone in my pocket. And tie a rope to my waist, in case I wade in too far.

If you don't hear from me for a week, call the Coast Guard. Or the EPA. And water the yak.


gina said...

hi ms. cranky,

i haven't commented lately, but i stop in most days to see what gem of hilarious pithiness you've come up with - so thank you!

re the allergies: have you tried a neti pot? cheap to try, no side-effects - and handy to have around for sinus symptoms when cold season rolls around again.

good luck w/ the decrapifying mission. when you're done, could you help me w/ mine? haha!

finally, a stoopid question: i have thyroid disease, which for many people (who just so happen to be 80%+ female) is not the cakewalk that md's think it is. consequently, i belong to a couple of online support groups, where we can bitch and moan about all things thyroid-related, including crappy hair, dry skin, puffy faces and more. we also try to keep a generally positive vibe - when we're not skewering md's! - and we enjoy a good laugh, too. i think your crankily upbeat take on the chronic illness fandango would be right up our alley. so, would you mind if i post a link to your site? [i realize that i came here via a cookinglight link, but you have a connection there, so i wanted to ask first.]

ps yay! i don't have to be anonymous anymore!

tim's wife said...

Too bad we don't live close. I love to mow the grass(it's a hairdresser thing, we like to take messy, shaggy things and make them neat) and Tim hates it when I do.
He likes to also and is better at it.
I can start most mowers as long
as there are no children present
(the language doncha know.) I vote for a merlot-type color for your new coif. I will warn you that blue hair will give you an intense urge to move to Florida and drive 15 miles an hour in a 50 MPH zone!

La Cootina said...

Link away! As far as decrapifying... it's every woman for herself.

La Cootina said...

TW - I wish you lived closer, too. It's practically unheard of to have two people who like to mow (or just don't hate it) in one househould.

Good advice about the blue hair. I'm still thinking either pink or purple.