Friday, April 3, 2009

More Universal Truths

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any pill, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Wilson's Law of Marketing
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


Sandy said...

La Cootina - Your wisdom is ... what can I say? .... wise!
May I add: Law of Rushing - the numbers of slow cars and wily pedestrians stepping in front of your vehicle directly correlates to one's lateness for an appointment, which, if missed, cannot be rescheduled for at least a month.

La Cootina said...

That is so true, Sandy! Just the other day, I raced to get an Rx transferred and refilled. I was trying to get home before a thunderstorm... so of course, that 12-minute errand turned into 30+, and had me traveling in the middle of the gullywasher. Which reminds me of another Piet Hein poem...

Anonymous said...

Here's another one: It's INEVITABLE that when you come to a railroad crossing where there's a slow freight train creeping along, as soon as you go to the nearest underpass to avoid the long wait, the train has gone by!

La Cootina said...

Ha! There are a lot of trains in my hometown, so I can verify that one. And if there is no underpass nearby... you will have to go to the bathroom.

Anonymous said...

re "Wilson's Law of Marketing
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it," i believe this is also known as Trader Joe's Corollary. ;-)

very funny post - and i loved the Law of Rushing too!

best, gina

Susan said...

How about: the minute you glop on a facial masque... the phone will ring?!

or, its evil sister: the minute you apply nail polish, your nose will itch.

And my perennial favorite: If you forget to close all your curtains, that is the morning you will have to streak the neighborhood as you run from the shower to grab a clean towel left in the laundry room. woo woo.