Friday, September 19, 2008

The Harvest that Wasn't

Remember those Grapes of Rap? Well, Vintner Gary recently shared the sad news that the grapes kicked the bucket, so to speak:

It is with great sadness we must inform you that the much-anticipated pressing of the wine grapes, harvested so joyfully just a little more than two weeks ago, has been cancelled. Some kind of nasty white fuzzy fungus thing caused the grapes to wither, and to give off an aroma that suggests dirty vinegar mixed with rotting roadkill. This was not the fresh, fruity bouquet to which we were aspiring.

And so, there will be no Vintage 2008 from our Vineyards. As for the grapes themselves, they will be the centerpiece of a memorial shrine to be set up street-side later this morning. Please feel free to drive by, stop, examine, and to pay your respects. Plans for a wake (featuring, sadly, store-bought wine) are forthcoming.

And, as September ushers in autumn, winter, and then the rebirth of spring, please join us in looking forward to the sure-to-be-a-hit 2009 vintage.

Of course, my condolences were extended immediately:

Well, if you hadn't been so hasty, I could have offered to help with a home Stem Cell Transplant kit! Since the harvest has already gone to the great grapevine in the it utter heresy to suggest fruitage other than your own? In sympathy,The Coot

P.S. Will this shrine be a classic, over-the-top homage to hysterical over-reaction? Will there be plastic flowers, stuffed animals, and laminated photos of the dear departed? Cause otherwise, I ain't wasting my time on this cross-stitch..
I'm sorry I haven't followed up, or even visited the shrine. Of course, this past week I've been rather self-involved with my own wretched busyness; I only hope I'm not exuding a similar aroma.

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